SnippetTales
by RanMouri82
Summary: Short stories from the lighter side of Undertale. [A Breakup Goes Viral: Sans gets 15 minutes of unwanted fame when Bratty makes the best vlog update in the history of, like, ever.]
1. Taxing

**Series:** SnippetTales

 **Title:** Taxing

 **Author:** RanMouri82

 **Rating:** G

 **Disclaimer:** Toby Fox owns Undertale. I own my fangirling.

 **Notes:** Only two things are certain on the surface: death and taxes. Poor Papyrus discovers the latter. [Published 2/29/2016]

 _Taxing_

"April 15th is just around the corner. Hurry in to H&R Block!"

Frisk lay prone on the shaggy, blue carpet and yawned at the commercial break following Everyone Loves Mettaton, grateful they did not have to use fancy calculators to count money like their adoptive mother, Toriel. Pushing themselves off the floor, they glanced backward at Sans who, as expected, was splaying on the couch and pinning the remote beneath him as he snoozed. Tapping their chin, Frisk debated whether to go home or to see what Papyrus was doing.

Going home meant that Toriel would insist they do their homework before dinner. So staying was the obvious choice.

Climbing upstairs to Papyrus' room, Frisk knocked softly on the wooden door and, seeing it was already cracked open, went inside.

"Gross!?" shouted Papyrus, waving his gloved hands in the air. A pair of wire-rimmed glasses were taped to his skull and caught the golden light of his desk lamp. Several papers and envelopes were spread across a green ink blotter, and Papyrus looked ready to yank his non-existent hair. "Why do they want to know what's gross?" Spotting Frisk, he smiled and said, "Ah, perfect timing, tiny human! The Great Papyrus is completing a tax return." He picked up the Form 1040 instruction booklet that sat on top of the other papers and said, "...I think."

"Oh! Mom just did hers. Maybe I can help," Frisk said, reaching the desk and leaning their elbows on it. "What does it say to do?"

"That's just it! I filled out my name and address and all that, but now I'm supposed to calculate my 'adjusted gross income'." Papyrus leaned forward and squinted at the booklet. "I didn't earn any money from gross things like grease or curdled milk. Does Sans earn anything from his dirty socks?"

Tapping the base of the desk with their toe, Frisk mused aloud, "Mom paid an accountant to do the taxes for her school, but she did our taxes by herself. First, she added up how much money she made all year."

"Ah ha! She must have included her snails," Papyrus said, grabbing a pencil and jotting some illegible figures. They looked suspiciously like tiny bones. "Snails are certainly gross and slimy!"

"Why don't you pay someone else to do your taxes?" Frisk said as they lifted themselves with both hands to inspect Papyrus' chicken scratch. He seemed worse at this than making spaghetti.

"Glad you asked!" Papyrus grinned, spinning in his squeaky swivel chair. "Ever since we arrived on the surface, many nice humans have said I probably know lots about death but nothing about taxes. Though I fail to see the connection, I intend to learn about taxes even if it kills me!" He stood and struck a dramatic pose, poised with his fists on his pelvis. "Nyeh-heh-heh-heh!"

"Hey, bro, what's the commotion?"

Papyrus and Frisk turned to see Sans standing in the open doorway, rubbing his drowsy eye sockets.

"I, dear brother, am doing my tax return!" Furrowing his brow, he said, "You should, too, come to think of it."

"Oh, that?" Sans stretched and reached beneath his shirt to scratch his ribcage. "I finished my taxes last week."

Frisk and Papyrus stared at Sans. Their world would never be the same. "..."

"What? Don't look so surprised. I downloaded software to prepare it for me," Sans said, winking, "because I couldn't hack it."

A drumroll and cymbal crash sounded from nowhere.

"Grr, I am going to ignore that terrible joke," Papyrus said, adjusting his glasses. Peering at the instruction booklet, he frowned. "Human, what is a Use Tax? Why would any realm charge money for using items?"

"Nah, bro, that means you have to pay taxes on all those colanders you bought online," Sans said, shuffling to Papyrus' side.

"Mom said it's because some websites don't take out taxes," Frisk said, "like the MTT store."

Papyrus froze in horror. His room was decked in MTT products from moisturizer to pasta sauce. He pointed a shaking, bony finger at the new glass cabinet beside his race car bed. "Even for military reenactment statues?"

Frisk nodded, not bothering to call them action figures. "Yup."

"But h-how-" Papyrus trembled and melted into a nervous puddle.

"Don't worry, I got this," Sans said, yawning. A Sony VAIO appeared in his hands. "Clear some space, will ya?"

"Sans, when did you get your laptop?" Papyrus said as Frisk climbed onto the desk and shuffled papers out of the way.

"Took a shortcut. Anyway," Sans said, propping the computer on the cleared desk space as Frisk hopped off, "let's get to the point."

The next half hour flew by as the trio gathered around the computer screen, progressing by stages through Papyrus' basic information, income, and deductions. With the information at hand, it took little effort to enter all the numbers, answer the questions, and finally secure The Great Papyrus' tax refund.

"I got all that money back? Wowie!" Papyrus pressed his hands together excitedly. "That wasn't so hard, after all. And at least I'll never have to do that again!"

Frisk crossed their arms behind their back, squirmed, and glanced at Sans, who shrugged and said nothing. "Um, Papyrus? Grown-ups file taxes every year."

Papyrus' bony jaw dropped.

"Don't worry," Sans said, patting Papyrus' shoulder. The laptop had somehow disappeared. "At least this way, you won't find it taxing."

Papyrus glared at Sans. "Why must you beat me at my lowest?"

"Because," Frisk said, grinning mischievously, "taxes take a whole year to return. They take a file!"

"Nyeeeh, not you, too!" Papyrus groaned, his eye sockets tearing up in frustration.

"It's alright," Sans said, winking. "With our help, doing your taxes will be a standard deduction."

"GAAAAH!" cried Papyrus, clenching his fists on each side of his head as if tearing the hair off his bald skull. "This is a fate worse than death!"

Frisk climbed the desk once more to give Papyrus a proper hug while Sans continued his pun assault. The child knew that, at least now, their skeleton friend could tell humans everywhere that he knew only too well about taxes.


	2. Kissy Cutie Live!

**Series:** SnippetTales

 **Title:** Kissy Cutie Live!

 **Author:** RanMouri82

 **Rating:** PG

 **Disclaimer:** Toby Fox owns Undertale. I own my fangirling.

 **Notes:** To both Alphys and Undyne, the new Mew Mew video game was serious business. [Published 3/10/2016]

 _Kissy Cutie Live!_

When Undyne tramped through the front door of the duplex that Alphys had converted into what she called her 'officially unofficial surface lab-workshop for all manner of scientific and magical inventions'—Undyne called it Alphys' lab for short—she shouted, "Hey!"

Usually, that gained a response of, "Up here!", "Down here!", or "W-wait, I'm coming!" but instead, as Undyne closed the door and rolled a kink out of her shoulder, all she heard was faint, distant music. Though the sound was too muffled to make out any words, there were bright, cheery female voices singing in unison. Sounded like it was coming from a radio or something.

Undyne puzzled over this as she stepped between the latest piles of scraps Alphys had gathered from the local human garbage dump. Maybe Alphys was watching an anime on her phone? She had gone bonkers when she discovered Crunchyroll.

But as Undyne poked her head into the kitchen, she found Alphys in her lab coat, surrounded by cans of her newest favorite beverage, Red Bull, while hunched over and tapping her smartphone. Each tap sounded like the rattle of a tambourine.

"Hey—"

"Hold on, almost got it!" Alphys squeaked, her fingers flying at a frantic pace. A second later, the song finished and bells chimed. Alphys' yellow cheeks turned rosy. "Yes! Finally, a full combo on Expert!"

"So that's a game?"

"Eep!" Alphys started and tossed her phone into the air, but Undyne grabbed it just before it could hit the floor. Laughing nervously, Alphys scratched her head and said, "Oh, s-sorry, Undyne. Didn't see you there."

Undyne turned over the phone to see what the fuss was about and glanced at a familiar, bright pink title screen. "Didn't know Mew Mew had a video game."

"It does now! Remember how Mew Mew's getting an anniversary reboot?" Alphys asked, reaching overhead to grab the phone back from Undyne before scrolling through multiple screens. "Well, to celebrate, they took the fifth episode of the first season, the one where Mew Mew and her friends performed in an idol competition, and turned it into a rhythm game. They even got the original voice cast for a vintage feel—well, okay, they added the one-dimensional class president from Mew Mew 2 but relegated her to the minorest of roles—and what you do is pick a song for the girls to sing with Mew Mew as leader, and as the circles float out, you tap the screen and get points, but if you miss them you lose points, and that affects your ranking and rewards, and anyway, here! Try it!"

Alphys shoved her phone back into Undyne's hands and shone with a mystical radiance.

Shrugging, Undyne sat down and watched as a still frame of a backlit auditorium appeared, followed by a semicircle of buttons. Twinkling notes from the first opening of Mew Mew Kissy Cutie, "Love Candy xoxo NYA~", began to play. But then, Undyne furrowed her eyebrows. "Wait. Did you say 'ranking'?"

"Yeah," Alphys said, "why?"

Undyne gnashed her teeth while a ripple of energy coursed through her arms. With sudden, cosmic levels of aggression, she yelled, "LET'S DO THIS!"

Slamming her thumbs onto the screen, Undyne jabbed the buttons in time with the song's intro, making the word 'Perfect!' flash across. One circle slid down toward a button, then several others followed, and Undyne shifted her razor-sharp focus to each one. 'Perfect! Perfect! Great! Perfect!'

A minute into the song, Mew Mew herself appeared on-screen and purred. "Nya!"

"Huh?" Undyne raised a curious eyebrow.

"That's a score boost. You're doing a lot of combos, too," Alphys said, clapping in time to the music. Suddenly, she paused mid-clap and stared. "Uh oh."

A pair of circles moved to the farthest ends of the screen, slipping out of Undyne's reach, but immediately Undyne growled, dropped the phone onto the table and produced a pair of shining spears above her shoulders. "NgaaaaaAAAH!"

Alphys flailed, squeaking, "Wait!"

Her cry came too late. Undyne's spears flew through the air with electric speed and shattered the glass. Alphys' smartphone crackled as the impact bore twin holes through it and dented the table.

The music stopped. Undyne gaped. "Oops."

As she reached for the sparking phone, Alphys grabbed her hand and yelled, "Stop! You'll electrocute yourself!"

"...I broke it, huh?" Undyne muttered, cringing at the damage while Alphys blushed and released her hand. "Sorry, Alphys. I'll buy you a new one." To her surprise, however, Alphys dashed across the room, rummaged through a stack of books, returned with a tablet and stylus, and began to write furiously. "What are you doing?"

"Taking notes! And you can't buy me this because it's a unique model I built for myself, but whatever," Alphys said, her eyes shining as she kept scribbling. "The Apple Corporation wants me to develop a new protective glass for iPhones that's lightweight and durable for both humans and monsters, so I've been trying it out with what I've got, and I was going to ask you to help me test the amount of pressure it would take to break the glass, but this is perfect! Just wish I'd thought to record it."

Grimacing, Undyne pointed to the phone, which now had a faint curl of smoke rising from it into the air as it gave up its ghost. "You mean you wanted me to break this?"

"Mm hmm! Sorry I didn't mention it earlier." Alphys finished writing and tucked the stylus into its silver port while beaming with victory. Turning on her heel to walk away, she said, "Just need to add this data to my—ack!"

"Hold it." Undyne released the collar of Alphys' lab coat from her iron grip and said, "There's just one thing I have to know."

Rubbing her choked neck, Alphys said, "Y-yeah?"

Undyne nodded toward the flickering screen. "I saw my results before the phone died. What does 'S' mean?"

"Huh? Oh!" Alphys smiled, letting out a relieved sigh. "That's your rank. The best you can get is 'S'."

Undyne leaped out of her seat, knocking it over, and pumped a fist in the air. "Woo! I beat the game! I kicked its butt! YEAH!"

"Uh, yeah, good job! B-be right back!" Alphys said, rushing away from the kitchen and escaping into the next room while Undyne continued her jubilant victory jumps. After all, Alphys just did not have the heart to tell the former head of the Royal Guard that she had only beaten the level on Easy.


	3. Greetings from Mountaintops

**Series:** SnippetTales

 **Title:** Greetings from Mountaintops

 **Author:** RanMouri82

 **Rating:** PG

 **Disclaimer:** Toby Fox owns Undertale. I own my fangirling.

 **Notes:** Frisk had a special reason for climbing Mt. Ebott. [Published 3/22/2016]

 _Greetings from Mountaintops_

"..."

"I am sorry, child," Toriel said from her seat at the foot of Frisk's twin bed. She had pulled the covers just-so up to their chin, like usual, but instead of tucking them in 'snug as a snail', she had asked the child something that had lingered on her mind since leaving the underground. "Was that too sensitive a question?"

Humming a moment, Frisk grunted and wiggled their little body into a sitting position. "Nope."

Toriel gave Frisk a smile and turned on their bedside lamp to its dimmest setting, filling the cozy room with hushed, golden light. It mingled with the pale moonlight that shone through the purple window curtains. "Then, would you like to tell me about it? The reason you went to Mt. Ebott?"

Frisk nodded but blushed a faint pink. "It's kind of silly, though."

"I see," Toriel said, tapping her furry chin in thought. "How about this? I'll try to figure out the story to help you along."

Perking up at that, Frisk asked, "Like a puzzle?"

"Yes!" Toriel replied, glad to see the child prop up their large, fluffy pillow and relax against it. Edging closer to Frisk, she closed her eyes and thought. "Let's see. You've mentioned living in an orphanage, but did you ever have foster parents?" When Toriel opened her eyes, she was happily surprised when Frisk clapped their hands and nodded with excitement. "Ah, and you liked them a lot."

"Yup! Uncle Joe and Aunt Jane were the coolest," Frisk said, flinging their arms wide. "They loved to research and explore. We went climbing up all sorts of mountains together, but they said Mt. Ebott was too dangerous. They even knew about the monsters. People laughed at them for believing you all lived underground, but they swore it was true."

Toriel paused, guessing the next part might be painful. "But then, they went away?"

Looking down, Frisk nodded and tugged their mouth into the slightest frown. "Yeah. A special team invited them to go to Mt. Everest and live with the Sherpas."

Though Toriel had no idea who Sherpas were—other than the top addition to her To Do list of human research—she nodded, anyway.

"They weren't going to go because of me," Frisk said, pointing their toes together and poking them beneath the comforter, "but I really wanted them to go. They always said climbing Mt. Everest was their dream. I didn't want them to give that up. So I said I missed the orphanage and wanted to go back."

Giving them a gentle smile, Toriel said, "That was a lie, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, I lied," Frisk said, falling back on their pillow with a sigh. "It was worse when I got back there because nobody knew me anymore. Some of the bigger kids were mean, too. But!" they cried, jumping up so fast that Toriel clutched her chest in fright, "They teased me about Mt. Ebott and said I was lying about the monsters, so I said I'd go and be the one to come back. And I did!"

"Yes, child," Toriel said, patting Frisk's head and chuckling, "you did."

Frisk paused, blushing harder. "But that's not the real reason I went. It was silly, but I thought maybe, if I could climb a mountain as dangerous as that..."

Toriel gazed at Frisk fondly. "You could go live with your Uncle Joe and Aunt Jane?"

Frisk nodded, silent.

Pulling the child into a hug as they crawled onto her lap, Toriel said, "That is not a silly reason at all."

"Guess not," Frisk mumbled, as sleepiness weighed on their eyelids, "but living with you is even better."

As Frisk began to doze in her arms, Toriel whispered, "Well, aren't I the lucky one?"

Several days later, on a warm afternoon drenched with sunshine, Toriel peeked through a living room window into the yard. She had a special surprise in store for Frisk that both thrilled her and filled her to the brim with anxiety.

Not finding the child, Toriel opened the front door of the house. The brilliant blue sky made the treetops glow, so Toriel raised her hand to shield her eyes. She could have sworn Frisk was playing out here—

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Toriel experienced the closest thing a monster could have to a heart attack as Frisk sailed through the air toward her in a wide arc, landed face-down in the grass, and skidded across the lawn to her feet. A brown, oblong ball bounced out from between Frisk's chubby palms, apparently cushioning their fall, but that was small comfort to Toriel as she scooped Frisk up and quickly scanned for injuries.

She groaned. Their lips were scraped and their nose was bloody, but not broken. "What on earth happened?!"

"Oh! I was teaching Papyrus football," Frisk said, spitting out dirt as Toriel examined their teeth. "He got confused."

Papyrus came running toward them as they spoke and, with a cheery smile, said, "Did I 'go long'?"

"Oh, you are about to fly, young man!" Toriel scolded, leaping to her feet and shaking her finger at the tall, cringing skeleton. Taking Frisk by the hand and leading them indoors, Toriel glared at Papyrus and said, "We have errands to attend to now, but I will deal with you later."

If a skeleton could gulp, Papyrus did.

Closing the door behind them to leave Papyrus shivering with fright, Toriel guided Frisk toward a laptop computer. It was a large, heavy model that Toriel kept on a wooden desk against a wall. Leaving Frisk's questioning glance unanswered, she typed, "We will return in a minute!".

Toriel still needed to get the hang of internet shorthand.

"Come! We must hurry!" Toriel cried, dashing into the first floor bathroom with Frisk in tow. The goat monster flew into action cleaning, disinfecting, healing, and bandaging as much of her child as possible in the space of a minute.

Suddenly, several loud bells dinged from the computer in the next room.

"Ah, please wait!" Toriel said out loud to nobody.

Frisk pouted, then winced from the pain of pouting and said, "Mom, what's going—aah!"

The pair stumbled through the narrow, carpeted hallway back into the living room. Pulling a large, mesh swivel chair from under the desk, Toriel sat, took a breath, and smiled at Frisk. Patting her lap, she said, "We have special guests waiting for us!"

Tilting their head in confusion, nevertheless Frisk shrugged and sat on Toriel's lap as Toriel took the laptop's attached mouse. The cursor floated over several windows on the screen and highlighted an open application: FaceTime.

Toriel clicked a small movie camera icon and sighed with relief. "Ah, here we are!"

"Huh?" Frisk squinted as the screen came alive with a video feed.

"Greetings!" Toriel cried, waving at the laptop's tiny, embedded webcam.

A man and woman crowded into view. They both wore thermals beneath buttoned, wool shirts and sat knee-to-knee in a simple, cluttered office. The man gave a toothy grin that was all the bigger thanks to his large, square chin, and the tiny woman, her red hair in a sloppy bun, waved back and sparkled her bright, blue eyes at the camera.

Frisk gasped and leaped forward into a kneeling position on Toriel's lap, their ecstatic shout muffling Toriel's grunt of pain. "Uncle Joe! Aunt Jane!"

"Yikes, kid, what'd you do to yourself this time—ow!" Joe winced and rubbed the spot where Jane had elbowed him in the ribs. Glancing sidelong, he mumbled, "Sheesh, calm down, hot stuff."

"Huh? Oh!" Frisk dabbed at their nose and spotted a fresh trickle of blood.

"Eek!" Toriel yelped, blushing and straining to grab a tissue from a nearby box and pinch Frisk's nose with it.

"Fubbahl aksident," Frisk said, through their new tissue muzzle.

Jane rolled her eyes at Joe, but then giggled and gazed at the screen with fondness. "Same old Frisk."

"Now hold still, child," Toriel said, handing Frisk an extra tissue while they squirmed with excitement. She grimaced at the couple and said, "The culprit was one of their many friends from the underground who somehow failed to realize that a human is not a football." Sighing with a warm smile, she nudged Frisk and said, "I told them all about your adventures in the monster kingdom."

"We were worried sick when the orphanage started giving us the runaround," grumbled Joe, crossing his arms. "Your mom there had perfect timing, since we were about to fly back to get straight answers."

"Oh!" Jane's eyes shone with pride as she clasped her cheeks and sniffled. "You've gotten so big!"

Frisk stared blandly, still dabbing at their bloody nose. "It's only been a month. How could I be bigger?"

"We've been here a month, too," said Joe, easing back in his dented metal chair. "Whenever you go on an adventure, the world feels a bit smaller, right?"

Frisk nodded.

"Well," Jane said, glancing up at Joe with a smile, "that's because the experience made you grow. And Frisk, after everything, you're still you. Just bigger."

Beaming at that, Frisk nodded again.

As the couple and Frisk took turns peppering each other with questions, Toriel fell silent, grateful beyond words that Alphys had taught her how to use this technology. But even more, it warmed her worn soul to see this loving family reunite. All four of them had a simple hope to see each other live their dreams. And those dreams came true.


	4. Splash!

**Series:** SnippetTales  
 **  
Title:** Splash!

 **Author:** RanMouri82

 **Rating:** PG-13

 **Disclaimer:** Toby Fox owns Undertale. I own my fangirling.

 **Notes:** The monsters and their human enjoy a day at the beach. But all is not fair in volleyball and nice cream. [Published 4/6/2016]

 _Splash!_

"What did you say this is called? Nice cream?" A teenage human with a blond-streaked ponytail tugged her sheer cover-up over her shoulders, crossed her arms in front of her purple, floral bikini, and eyed the vendor quizzically. "How's that different from ice cream?"

Tufts of puffy clouds floated high in the blue sky over Seaside, a popular beach not far from where many monsters had settled after emerging from Mt. Ebott. Though some humans deeply mistrusted anything their magical neighbors made, most of them loved the exotic novelty of monster food.

"From what I've learned lately about ice cream," said the cheerful vendor as he leaned against his newly-renovated stand, "nice cream shares the basic ingredients of human popsicles, but magic gives it ice cream's texture."

"Check out the wrapper, too," piped up a voice from beside the girl's knee. Frisk waved at the vendor and rocked back and forth on their bare feet. Their swim trunks and striped tank top swayed in the breeze. "It always has something nice to say."

"Just for that plug, here's one on the house, little ambassador!" The vendor handed Frisk a single nice cream at first, but then chuckled at their worried frown and gave them a second. "And one for your buddy over there."

"Thank you!" Frisk cried, skipping behind the stand to hug the vendor's leg before running back to the shore where Monster Kid waited.

"Yo, dude, did the nice cream man give you these?" Monster Kid gasped. "Sweet!"

The two children sat on the sand and let the warm waves splash over their feet. Frisk unwrapped the nice creams, propped their left arm on a plastic bucket, and held the sticks so they and Monster Kid could eat them both at the same time.

"Aaah...!" A yelp pierced the air, but then faded into a whimper as Alphys keeled over sideways onto the low, stone wall where she sat beside Undyne, who chuckled and blushed as if she had pulled off the biggest but most embarrassing prank. Alphys turned bright red and trembled from head to foot. It was clearly not from sunburn.

Monster Kid oohed, Frisk giggled, and the two began a chorus of, "Alphys and Undyne sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S—"

"Hey, punks! We're kissing on a LEDGE! Get it right!" Undyne yelled, shaking her fist at the children but laughing with glee and flashing a pointy-toothed grin.

Frisk paused a moment. "That doesn't rhyme."

"U-U-Undyne, please stop." Alphys hid her glowing face in her hands.

"Are you alright? Do you have heat stroke?!" a tall, lanky skeleton called out as he ran toward the tomato formerly known as Alphys. More accurately, he hobbled because the floaties on his arms and the polka dot inner tube around his waist threw him off balance. "The Great Papyrus can assist you!"

"Nah, Papyrus," said Undyne with the same, mischievous chuckle. She elbowed the prone dinosaur. "I just swept her off her feet."

"That sounds suspiciously like a pun, but coming from you, I will allow it," muttered Papyrus, wriggling out of the swim gear. With a bright smile, he added, "Say, Undyne! The humans have put up a high net to play volleyball. Want to-?"

"Hells yeah!" said Undyne, leaping off her perch. She stretched and strode off ahead of Papyrus like she was the queen of the world.

"Hey, we wanna play, too—oof!" Monster Kid tried running after the others, including the flushed Alphys, but the uneven beach tripped the child and made them eat sand. Helping them up, Frisk grinned and whispered something in Monster Kid's ear. The monster nodded as Frisk wiped sand grains off their face. "Yo! Best idea!"

Ahead, Papyrus had turned the sprint into a race against Undyne, leaving Alphys far behind to huff, puff, and then give up to cool off. Leaning against a palm tree, Alphys muttered, "Ugh. Didn't know I was that out of shape."

"I did."

The sudden, familiar voice jolted Alphys like an electric current. She turned around and saw a coiled rope tied to the tree trunk. Shuffling to the side revealed a second tree and a wide, shaded hammock between them that cradled Sans in its depths.

He stretched, yawned, and crossed his hands behind his head. Winking, he said, "But your time's gotten better."

"O-oh, hi!" Alphys said, fidgeting with the shoulder straps of her swimsuit. "Probably a stupid question, but do you want to play volleyball?"

"Bro's playing, right? Sure." Sitting up and cracking his neck-which made Alphys shiver-Sans slid off the hammock and stuck his hands in the pockets of his blue trunks. Of course, they matched Papyrus' red ones. In a blink, he disappeared and reappeared beside the volleyball net.

Alphys sighed and trudged forward, wishing she could do that.

Several college-age humans stopped practicing as Undyne reached the net first with Papyrus in tow, or so it seemed until Sans stood next to them. The boy on their side of the net scratched his head and asked, "Uh, you guys wanna play?"

"Damn right!" Undyne held out her scaled hand for an introductory fist bump.

The boy bumped her fist, but then yanked his hand away and shook out the pain. "Ow."

"Heh, sorry punk!" Undyne said, her teeth glinting in the afternoon sun.

"Okay, this monster chick's gonna kick our asses," groaned one of his friends across the net.

"Aha!" cried Papyrus, holding up his bony hand as if hushing the huddled masses. "That would be a problem if I were not on your team. But never fear, humans! I will lead your team to victory! Nyeh-heh-heh!"

"Guess that means I'm on your team, too," said Sans, waving. "My super cool bro and I will throw you a bone. Or lots of them."

Papyrus' low growl was cut off by Alphys' labored breathing as she finally reached the group.

"Great timing, Alph!" Undyne said, dragging Alphys by the arm. "You're on my team."

Alphys cringed and curled up shyly. "Uh, I d-don't know if that's a good idea—"

"What, you want to play on their team?" Undyne raised an eyebrow.

"N-no! It's just I'm not—"

"Good!" Undyne pulled her into a hybrid of a hug and half nelson.

A third human, a petite girl covered in freckles who stood opposite the net, said, "Our team has one extra, though. You guys mind?"

"Wait-oof!" Monster Kid tripped and fell at Undyne's feet before popping their face out of the sand like an ostrich. "Can Frisk and I play?"

"Teams will still be uneven then," mumbled Alphys, "b-but if it helps, I can sit this one out."

"Nope!"

Out of nowhere, Frisk took a running start and leap-frogged onto Monster Kid's shoulders. They stood as one, struck a dramatic pose, and shouted, "Team Dai-Gurren won't lose!"

"Perfect name, kid!" Undyne said, crouching to let Frisk tap her a high-five.

Alphys sniffled. "I'm so proud."

"Sans and friendly humans! We must come up with a cooler name!" Papyrus declared, turning to face his teammates with his arms flung wide. Then, he frowned and rubbed his chin, straining for an idea.

The tall boy with a deep tan chuckled and said, "I'm Mark, and this is my girlfiend, Julie. How about 'The Bonechillers'?"

Papyrus rolled his eye sockets. "That lacks any cool whatsoever."

"Nah, Paps, it's perfect," said Sans, high-fiving Mark. Julie shrugged.

"Fine, whatever," Papyrus said, taking a whistle from his pocket and blowing it with a loud 'FWEEEET!'

The game was on, and Team Dai-Gurren charged in like a drill to pierce the heavens. Undyne leaped to spike several points with grace and height. Papyrus tried doing the same, but soon found it quite hard to aim the volleyball with bare bones. Mark swooped in to fill that role and urged Papyrus to try bumping and setting. The latter worked well for Papyrus, thanks to his large hands, and after Frisk and Monster Kid's fusion bumped into Alphys while they raced for the ball, The Bonechillers tied the score.

Chris, the other human on Team Dai-Gurren, pulled the ladies and children into a huddle. They spent a good minute whispering among themselves, and then joined their hands in the center of the circle and raised them with a cheer.

Sans, Mark, and Julie of The Bonechillers eyed their opponents and gave each other an understanding nod. Papyrus, however, focused on practicing his underhand serve; stars filled his eyes as he improved.

The next time Papyrus served the ball, in fact, everyone hummed in admiration except Chris, who lifted Monster Kid onto his shoulders and connected with the ball, sending it back over the net in a swift arc that landed in front of the shocked skeleton to score another point.

"Wait a sec!" Julie said, her freckles popping as she crossed her arms in defiance. "That's cheating!"

"Hey, we got kids on our team," Chris said, smirking as Monster Kid gave him a head bump in place of a fist bump. "Nobody said we couldn't."

"Don't worry about it, Jules," Sans said, shrugging.

"Right!" cried Papyrus, standing akimbo. "We will not stoop to such methods!"

At the next serve from Team Dai-Gurren, this time from Undyne, the ball sailed wide over Sans' head and landed in the waves with a splash. Sans stood still and yawned. "Fault."

Alphys gaped. "No way."

But Undyne growled and said, "Now who's cheating? You turned it blue!"

"Only thing turning it blue is the water." Sans looked seconds away from snoozing.

"Huh? What's she talking about?" Mark said, nudging an oddly angry Papyrus.

"My brother would never cheat with magic!" Papyrus said, narrowing his eyes at Undyne.

"Monster magic has different types and colors," Sans explained, pointing up and tracing a circle in the air. "Sometimes it moves stuff."

Curling her lips, Undyne added, "Sometimes it makes stuff stay put."

"Huh," Sans said, the grin stiff on his face. His whole body struck Papyrus as more immobile than usual. "A really low blow. Sure you wanna do that?"

"Oh crap, Sans, are you okay?!" Julie cried. "Or did I just hallucinate that green, glowy spear going through you?"

Alphys dropped her jaw.

Frisk flailed.

Monster Kid's glance ping ponged from the tall fish to the short skeleton, whose eye sockets had suddenly gone dark.

"A-HEM!"

Everyone but Sans turned their heads to see a furry monster woman tapping her foot. The floppy hat and frilled sundress she wore might have looked demure if her eyes were not blazing with authoritative rage.

Frisk gave Toriel a limp wave. "Hi, Mom."

"Greetings, my child," Toriel said, quickly giving Frisk a sweet smile before she returned to stomping and glaring at Sans and Undyne. At this point, the green was wearing off Sans, but it surprised nobody that now he did not want to move. "I should think, however, that two grown-ups like yourselves could play nice."

Undyne and Sans nodded.

"Shake hands and apologize." Toriel pointed to the sand at her feet, beckoning the two to meet there.

Coughing, Sans and Undyne avoided eye contact with everyone and marched to where Toriel waited.

"Sorry for turning you green," Undyne mumbled, holding out her hand.

"S'ok," Sans said, shaking her hand and scratching the back of his skull. "I was getting carried away."

"Good!" Toriel said, beaming. "Now who wants lemonade?"

Unanimous, the old and new friends eagerly agreed and settled on blankets beneath the shady treetops to sip freshly-squeezed lemonade, its icy chill cooling them as the sun settled closer and closer to the horizon. Ribbons of golden rose sparkled on the surface of the breaking waves.

"Wow. I heard monsters came from underground," Chris said, leaning against a tree trunk, "but you guys were actually trapped under Mt. Ebott?"

"Yes," said Toriel, gazing at the shining water with a serene smile. "For a very long time."

Mark frowned. "That sucks."

Julie smacked Mark upside his head. "That's all you can say to the monsters' queen? Really?"

"He's right, though. It did suck," Alphys said, swishing the bottom of her fifth glass. To her happy surprise, lemonade beat soda any day of the week.

Undyne rolled her eyes. "Pfft, right. It sucked ass—"

Toriel shot her a silencing glare.

"Uh, I mean," Undyne said, "it sucked a lot."

Beside them, as the tide rolled in, Papyrus helped Frisk and Monster Kid place the finishing touches on a sand replica of New Home's castle. Since Sans could sleep anywhere, he let the trio bury him up to the neck while Asgore used the hammock. There, the giant boss monster snored softly and smiled.

"Still, the sun is beautiful," Toriel said, adjusting her hat. "I will never tire of it."

Sans chuckled. "So, Tori, that means you'll never retire?"

Toriel snorted and burst into a fit of giggles. "I think not!"

"Sans!" Papyrus said, towering over his brother's exposed head.

Frisk reached up, grinning, and tugged Papyrus' elbow. "Watch it, or he'll do sand puns again."

Papyrus shuddered, recalling the uneasy truce the brothers had made on puns about sand, with and without reference to Sans' name. "True."

Before another slew of bad jokes could fly from Sans and Toriel's mouths like a torrent, however, a deep, burly voice said, "Uh oh."

It was Asgore. He bolted upright, catching his horns in the hammock's net while cringing at a shadowy figure that approached from the thinning population of beachgoers.

"What's up?" Undyne said. She and Alphys squinted over her shoulder and then sighed with Asgore.

Frisk puffed their cheeks and prodded Monster Kid's back to get them moving, Papyrus gripped his temples, Toriel hastily began to fold the beach blankets with Alphys, Undyne helped Asgore untangle his horns from the hammock, and the three humans blinked.

"What's wrong?" Mark scanned the beach for jellyfish and the water for sharks.

"Please do not take offense, dear friends," Asgore said, shoving towels into a duffel bag, "but we must leave. You may wish to do so, as well, before—"

"My phone's dying. Why isn't there a public charger?" A squat monster wearing an orange visor wriggled into view, its noodley limbs clutching several tubes of Gogurt. "And now my skin's getting blisters. Anyone have aloe? The plant, not the lotion."

"Ugh." The other monsters and Frisk groaned from the depths of their souls. "JERRY."

"Welp, I'll email you guys," Sans called out to Mark, Chris, and Julie, who all scrunched their faces as if tasting sour milk. "Taking a shortcut to the car, Paps."

"W-wait!" Papyrus latched onto Sans' skull with both hands a split second before they disappeared together.

"Come along, children," Toriel said, allowing Asgore to hoist Frisk and Monster Kid under his arms and follow her because, dangit, it was faster.

"S-say! The new episode of Mew Mew: First Kiss is starting soon, so we'd better—"

"Yeah," Undyne said, nodding in vigorous agreement, picking up Alphys and piggybacking away.

"I'm sick of Walking Dead spoilers," Jerry said, staring at the three humans.

Mark, Chris, and Julie glanced at each other, nodded, and then ran in opposite directions, each taking different paths to the parking lot. If anyone asked, they saw a shark fighting a jellyfish.

"Everyone ditched me again," mused Jerry before squatting, squeezing Gogurt all over his face, and watching the last rays of sunset disappear. After all, who needed nice cream when you had flavored yogurt in a tube?


	5. A Breakup Goes Viral

**Series:** SnippetTales

 **Title:** A Breakup Goes Viral

 **Author:** RanMouri82

 **Rating:** PG

 **Disclaimer:** Toby Fox owns Undertale. I own my fangirling.

 **Notes:** Sans gets 15 minutes of unwanted fame when Bratty makes the best vlog update in the history of, like, ever. [Published 6/3/2016]

 _A Breakup Goes Viral_

When Bratty strolled into Perkalicious, a local coffee shop near the foot of Mt. Ebott, the blonde alligator clutched her pastel pink purse, reached up on tiptoe though she already stood head and shoulders over the bustling crowd, and waved at her lunch date. A skeleton sat by the windows behind a small, round table with a giant latte, immobile. Then, Bratty shrugged. As usual, Sans was sleeping.

Or he appeared to be sleeping since his hood was up. With Sans, it was hard to tell the difference.

After ordering an iced macchiato piled high with whipped cream and caramel drizzle, Bratty pushed through the more indecisive humans and made her way to the table where Sans snored. She chirped, "Hey hey!"

Sans opened his right eye. "Heya."

"Soooo, like, you said you wanted to talk to me about something?" Bratty said, setting down her cup, leaning her chin in her palms and batting her eyes coated with blue eyeshadow.

"Yeah. Gotta admit, going with you to that party you dragged me to last week was kinda fun." Sans shrugged as if it took all his strength to move.

"See? I told you it would be totally awesome!" Bratty slurped her drink and winked.

"And the movie we saw with Alphys and Undyne was fun, too." The lights in Sans' eye sockets drifted toward the window. The bright, sunny day was as good as any on the surface.

"Wasn't that the best?" Laughing, Bratty's mind suddenly appeared to be floating in another world of hearts and violins. Synth violins, but still. "Leonardo DiCaprio is crazy hot."

Sans grinned. Technically, he always grinned, but this smile was tight. "That's exactly what we need to talk about."

Wiping the whipped cream from her snout, but careful to avoid her lipstick, Bratty blinked. "Huh?"

"Paps was really excited about something you told him the other day," said Sans, sitting up straighter than usual and staring through the alligator. "You said his humerus was the strongest ever and all his arm bones would look great around your shoulder? I don't find that _humerus_ at all."

"Oopsie! I totally, like, get it," Bratty said, giggling and waving Sans off with her pink, press-on claws, "didn't mean to make you jealous."

"Now see, I'm too lazy to care about stuff like that," Sans said, shaking his head. "My bro, though? He had no idea you were just flirting for fun. Heck, he went around sighing all day and plucking daisy petals because he thought you were in love with him." His eye sockets darkened. "Not cool."

"Chillax! I'm surprised that you're surprised he fell so hard, because I'm totally gorgeous, but still." Bratty took a sip of her macchiato and plucked her cell phone from her purse. "I'll just text your bro to set him straight, and—"

"Nope." Sans lifted his hand and, with a wisp of blue magic, grabbed it from Bratty with a snap. His eyes lighting again, he said, "I already told him. He had himself a good cry, made a batch of spaghetti, and got over you."

"Oh! Well, like, good and stuff," Bratty said, grabbing her phone when Sans tossed it back. "Problem solved?"

"Almost. From now on, just steer clear of him." With a wink, he added, "And me."

"Wait. S-so, like, are you, like," Bratty said, blinking so intensely her false eyelashes loosened, "breaking up with me?"

Sans took his time to slide off his chair and answer. For a second, it looked like he fell asleep where he stood. But then, he pointed his hands at her like a pair of bony finger guns and said, "Gettttttt dumped on!"

Neighboring tables fell silent and Bratty's long jaw dropped.

"Welp, guess we're _done_ here," Sans said with a shrug. Then, he disappeared.

A few hours later, Sans snoozed in his bed, propped against a mound of pillows. All was silent but the soft tweeting of birds outside his open window. A warm breeze tossed his curtains with a rustle. Perfect time for a nap.

 _BANG!_

"SANS!" Papyrus cried, throwing open the bedroom door, stomping across the carpet, and waving his smartphone in his brother's sleepy face. "I can't concoct puzzles with all these ringing bells! Check your email already so these women stop bothering me!"

Sans blinked his eyes open. "Huh, bro?"

"I would mind less if they were writing to tell me how great I am, but no! They're all desperate to date you!"

"Uh," Sans said. None of this was computing. "What?"

Groaning, Papyrus shoved his phone into Sans hands. "What above ground did you do to make these hordes of monsters and humans want you in their friend zone?!"

Just then, the phone blared Papyrus' triumphal march ringtone. Sans glanced at the screen. "Undyne."

"Alright, I will answer it. But check your email while I do," Papyrus grumbled, taking his phone. His skull bursting into a grin, he called out, "Why, hello Undyne! Did you want some leftover—not you, too?! Fine!" He dropped the phone back into Sans hands and then planted his fists on his pelvis. "It's for you."

"Hey, punk!" Undyne shouted as Papyrus scowled.

"Oh, heya Undyne," Sans mumbled. Papyrus still hovered at his side, so he grabbed the laptop at his slippered feet and moved to open his inbox under Papyrus' watchful eye sockets. Less effort that way. "'Sup?"

Undyne sounded urgent, even for Undyne. "Alphys says there's a video that you need to see. NOW."

"If it's—"

"Not anime. That would be much cooler," Undyne grunted. "Hang on, she's emailing it over."

"Huh." Just then, an email from Alphys popped up in his inbox, unread. Well, all of them were unread. Who wants to read over 200 emails? Sans made a mental note to hit 'delete all' as soon as he felt like doing it.

"Here's the deal: Bratty and Catty have a vlog. You know? Video blog?" Undyne said, rolling her patchless eye.

Sans read the email's subject line: 'Bratty and Catty Girl Talk - S3E12'. He blinked in amazement. "They've got three seasons of this stuff?"

"Yeah, and their YouTube channel's a huge success and it somehow makes them money, but whatever," Undyne said with a growl. "Just watch it."

At that, Sans put Undyne's call on speakerphone and laid it on his rumpled bedsheets before opening the email. Skipping past Alphys' long, rambling apology for sending him an email link when such things were normally spam that hackers use to phish, send viruses, etc., and how horrible it was for her to lull Sans into a false sense of security by emailing him a link at any time, etc., Sans scrolled down to the YouTube link and clicked it.

The standard white background and embedded video appeared on the left while the screen's right edge showed suggested videos, including previous episodes of Bratty and Catty's show and a series of style tutorials by Mettaton. An MTT ad played first, which explained something about how Bratty and Catty made money from this.

Then the show itself began to play. A sequined pink curtain with Bratty and Catty's faces and the title 'Bratty and Catty Girl Talk (omg!)' superimposed in dancing, digital letters popped up while the monster ladies read the title and broke down into giggles. The title screen swept to the side, revealing Bratty and Catty labelled onscreen as 'Girl Talkers Extraordinaire'.

"Hey hey, guys and gals!" they said in unison, giving the camera a perky wave.

Bratty tossed her blonde hair. "I'm Bratty—

"—and I'm Catty."

The two glomped each other. "And weeeeee're BESTIES!"

Catty giggled into her paw. "Let's dish!"

"...Brother," Papyrus said, as numb and slack-jawed as Sans, "is this real or is it a nightmare?"

"Both," Sans mumbled. The brothers' eye sockets boggled.

Then, the girls said in sing-song, "The dish of the week is"—drumroll and crash—"Sans!"

A picture of Sans balancing a stack of hot dogs on his head while he slept flashed onscreen, bordered by sparkles and introduced by harp music.

"Sans the skeleton from Snowdin for serious," said Bratty, her tiny cheeks on her long snout blushing bright. "Okay, so. Sans is, like, super lazy."

"Won't move until he has to." said Catty. "And he tells these terrible jokes—"

"—Into puns way more than is healthy. But he was funny enough to perform at the MTT Resort back in the Underground," chimed in Bratty. From that point on, the girls' words overlapped so much, it was hard to listen to one or the other, so Sans focused on Bratty, starting to suspect where this was going. "Sans went wherever I wanted as long as I carried him from place to place, and he was sooooo lightweight, for real."

"—Totally portable."

"Like a crazy light koala bear, right?" Bratty said, shrugging. "So I thought he was kinda cute and asked him out."

"—Just for funsies."

"He was like, sure, whatever, and we went on a couple of dates, nothing serious, had some fun and laughs and it was all good. But Catty here knows how much _more_ fun it is to flirt." Bratty elbowed her friend, who laughed and nodded. "So one day, I stopped by his house and chatted up his bro, Papyrus. Super sweet doofball, he was all about it!"

"Papyrus is a total dork cutie," Catty said, nodding emphatically.

"But that's where things went south. Turns out Papyrus thought it was mad love, so now Sans and I got bad blood 'cause I totally broke his bro's monster soul." Bratty giggled and bumped shoulders with Catty. "Whoopsies!"

"Major whoopsies!" giggled Catty.

"WHAT?" Papyrus cried. "She did not break my soul! Merely bruised it a little," he huffed, frowning, though his quivering jawbone gave him away. He pointed his index finger high. "Nobody can break The Great Papyrus, nyeh-heh-heh!"

"But the best part—" Bratty continued.

"Best ever—"

"Was Sans suddenly got all scary-eyed and stood up by himself, which is major for him—"

"A miracle—"

"True," muttered Papyrus and Undyne. Sans ignored them, as usual.

"And then he pointed at me like he was Bruce Lee or Bruce Willis or something, a total boss," said Bratty, pausing to imitate Sans' pose with fierce eyes that Tyra Banks would approve, "and he said, 'Gettttttt dumped on!' And then, poof, he peaced out! Badass to the max!"

"Whoa," murmured Undyne, the speakerphone crackling, "that _was_ badass."

In the video, Bratty and Catty then eyed each other and puffed their cheeks, sheer powder kegs of excitement.

Bratty said, "And then I was like—"

Catty said, "She was like—"

They laughed together and fanned their flaming faces. "Sans is sooooo hot!"

"So yeah, all you ladies better hurry up, because there's, like, an epically eligible bachelor fresh on the market," Bratty said while Catty doubled over in peals of laughter. "Just don't flirt with his bro at the same time, 'cause he doesn't like that. Until next week!"

Catty recovered in time to join Bratty for their customary send-off where both of them blew the camera a kiss. It was not timed quite right. "Staaaaay awesomesauce!"

Just then, ignoring the closing segue into the girls' merchandise, Sans' gaze lingered over the video's number of views. Over 1,000,000? In three hours?!

"Wowie!" Papyrus cried, his hands on his cheekbones and stars in his eyes. "Brother, you're internet famous!"

"Uh, gotta warn you about the comments. Mixed company and all," Undyne mumbled, clearly embarrassed by the whole situation. After all, the movie double date to see The Revenant was her idea.

Sans caught her drift. Okay, not in front of Paps. Wow.

"Urk!" cried Undyne suddenly, and she placed her scaly hand over the mouthpiece and shouted, "No, Alphys! Until this calms down, you're _not_ going to be Sans' fake date!"

"Wait a sec. There's a button for a video response," Sans said, clicking on it. Automatically, his laptop's camera sprang to life. Tugging his tall brother's forearm bones to get him seated in the camera's view, Sans said, "Hey, Sans here. Too much work to date anybody right now, so I'm gonna block my inbox. This is my bro, Papyrus, the coolest monster ever. Fine with me if you date him, but hurt him and you're dead. See ya."

"See ya!" cried Papyrus, a cheery smile on his skull.

Sans clicked and sent the video, closed his laptop, and said, "Paps, take the emails if you want 'em. Undyne, thanks for the fishhead's up."

"Hey! Wait, punk, I'm not—!"

"Sorry, Undyne," said Papyrus, reclaiming his cell phone. "He went back to sleep." Immediately, he yanked the phone away from where his ear would be as Undyne cried, "nnnnnNNNNNGAAAH!"

But Sans dwelled once more in dreamland, more than content to end his 15 minutes of fame. Even internet celebrities needed their beauty rest.


End file.
